805 – Attract business with Charisma: Tom talks The Art of Rizz

Episode 805 – The Art Of Rizz
[00:00:08] Welcome to Screw the Commute. The entrepreneurial podcast dedicated to getting you out of the car and into the money, with your host, lifelong entrepreneur and multimillionaire, Tom Antion.

[00:00:24] Hey everybody, it's Tom here with episode 805 of Screw the Commute podcast. Today, we're going to talk about the art of Rizz and what's Rizz you say? Well, that's the cool way to say charisma. Now we're going to talk about how that can attract business to you and also your personal life a little bit, but how you can increase your charisma. All right. Hope you didn't miss episode 804. That was maximize your income from speaking engagements. The live webinar is over, but you can listen to the replay at Screwthecommute.com/maxreplay and you will thank me for it because it's a PhD in Insider secrets and making more money at any time you speak. All right. Make sure you pick up a copy of our automation book at screwthecommute.com/automatefree. You're going to thank me for that, too, because it'll save you hundreds, if not thousands of hours into the future fighting with your computer. All right. Follow me at tiktok.com/@digitalmultimillionaire on TikTok.

[00:01:30] All right, let's get into the main event. What is charisma? Well, the dictionary says it's compelling attractiveness or charm that can inspire devotion in others. Well, that's the formal definition. I want to adapt it a little bit to attracting business and creating devoted customers. How about that? Another way to say it, in my opinion, is likability. Now, first of all, I'm not here to arrogantly say I'm charismatic. All right. I will tell you, though, that many people have said things to me that show that I exhibit lots of elements of charisma that I'm going to talk about today.

[00:02:15] And first, I thought it would be interesting to go online and get a list of synonyms and antonyms. Now, that's not antonyms, all right? Antonyms for the word charisma or rise as the young people shows it. Hey, you got rise, man. So here's some cinnamon, not cinnamon. Synonyms. Appeal. Dazzle. Fascination. Flash it like. Wow. She's it. Pizzazz. And these two. I'm kind of hoping these two don't apply to me, but I can't. This is right from online. I'm telling you, in the synonym section of the dictionary, witchcraft and witchery. Oh, boy. Then there's other ones. Animal magnetism, drawing power. Something like. Boy, he's something. And star quality. Those are synonyms for charisma. Now, here's some antonyms and not antonyms. Remember I told you antonyms? I hope that. Well, most of these don't apply to me regularly. Sometimes I'm sure they do. Antonyms for charisma, repulsion, repulsiveness unpleasantness. Offensiveness Disagreeableness obnoxiousness lot of this in there. Distastefulness. Now, I'm not saying that those antonyms can't be a business model. Some people have been very successful with that as a shtick. I'll say it right here, the famous Dan Kennedy. Now I've got my problems with him. But many people that know him more intimately say he's really nice and benevolent. But for many years he had an anti charisma persona that attracted people like crazy.

[00:04:33] I'm not saying he's not. He's brilliant. Absolutely. But I remember it was something like this. You could only fax him questions. I don't know, like during one hour period, one day a week or something crazy like that. Right. But he had an enormously long and powerful career with that persona. Don Rickles is another one who his whole persona was was, you know, abusing people. Now, a third example that didn't last very long was someone using the moniker the Rich Jerk. I mean, that didn't last very long, but it did go pretty big for a while. Now, I'll say that the people I just mentioned are what we call outliers. You know, I think it's you know, I contend that having more a more normal, charismatic or reserved traits is a more sure way to be successful in business. Now, being charismatic to me doesn't mean being a pushover and always being nice. No matter what happens to you or someone you care about. Now, with that in mind, I'm going to take credit right here, right now on this episode for coining a term, called Rizz range. Let's say it's a scale 1 to 10 with ten being the most charismatic. You can possibly be and one being the least or anti charismatic. I'm going to call anything under a five tough or disagreeable and anything above five being more agreeable and of course, charismatic or Rizz. I contend that most of your time should be in the six and above range.

[00:06:25] From my research traits associated with charisma or being likable, easy to talk to, approachable, making good first impressions, being authentic, having the ability to make small talk. And when I really like is reading social cues gracefully. Now I'll expand on what I think about many of these traits and what they mean shortly. But. But for now, I'm going to go way out on a limb here and rate myself. I'd say that most of the time I'm in the eight plus range. And here again, I'm not trying to be arrogant saying this. I try to be extra nice to everybody. I'm considered by many to be easy to talk to. I'm certainly approachable in one of the the best compliments I get when people see me speak on stage is that, hey, I'm the same person off stage as on. And that falls into the category of being authentic. I think the reason I can make a good first impression is impressions goes along with the that thing about reading social cues gracefully. In other words, see, I'm from a small town and I can speak small town when I'm among small town people without making them feel like I'm some kind of big shot. And I can speak differently among city people. Also, I let people know I care more about hearing who they are rather than running my mouth all day about me.

[00:08:08] All right. Back to the range. Just because I want you to spend most of your time in the six plus range, that does not mean I advocate being a pushover. I believe if you're always in the high numbers of the range, you have a great chance of being taken advantage of. Now, here's a kind of an example, just my opinion here from most reports. Willie Nelson is a really nice celebrity, but I think he went bankrupt by not being tough and disagreeable enough with many of his financial professionals. Now, I don't have any insider knowledge about Willie Nelson. All right. This is just my impression from what I read and heard about in the media. But nevertheless, he did have those financial problems and in my mind, would have every right to be damn disagreeable and go to one on the range with these people. Now, even though I make every effort to stay high on the range. All right. Just last week I had some fake Christian through email. Tell me I needed to grow up, was uneducated, sounded stupid, and nobody likes me. Right. I think he has some worthless fake PhD, calls himself a doctor and. And he went to Christian school. Right. And brags about that. Now, even though I know better than to waste time on worthless trolls like that. Well, I responded. And let's say it was well below the midline of the risk scale. I told him I was sorry about his poor childhood and that he might want to go back to his fake Christian school and get some remedial training and that he was gutless for hiding behind a keyboard saying such stuff to me which he wouldn't dare say to my face right now.

[00:10:17] Was that a waste of time? Well, yeah, it was. I know better, but it sure felt good shutting him up and and other than getting a rise out of me, he saw that I'm not a pushover. And every chance I get, I'll trash him and his real business in every legal way possible. Now, now, here's the thing, folks. Do you see how him running his mouth? On the bottom of the Rizz range is going to hurt his business in the long run. He developed a permanent, powerful enemy where he could have easily said something like this. Tom. I'm wondering why you used the subject line you did, which could be offensive to some people. Would you mind having a conversation about it if he had said something reasonable like that? You know what? As busy as I am, I would have absolutely made an effort to set an appointment with him and had a nice mini debate and conversation. Instead, this dumb ass fake PhD decided to create a permanent and powerful enemy. All right. Don't do that. Yeah. I want you to be able to go below the mid range of the risk scale when it's absolutely warranted so that you're not a pushover.

[00:11:41] But I implore you not to go there when staying above it would serve everybody better. Now let's get into some of the traits that you can work on if you want to improve your score on the range and and reap the many benefits that can be had both personally and professionally to do so. So let's take professional first. Now, the buzz phrase here is charismatic leadership. And I got this list of stuff or this some of this stuff from the Vantage Circle blog, and I'm putting a link to it in the show notes for you. And these are some of the pros and cons that they gave. As for characteristics, if you have characteristic leadership traits, the pros. Charismatic, charismatic leaders motivate and inspire the workforce. They encourage the importance of camaraderie, collaboration and teamwork. Part of it is they have good listening skills and in other words, employee queries do not go unheard and they create a sense of positive change. Those are the pros of being a charismatic leader in your business. Now. That's what they said. I'll throw in the fact you'll make more money and people will like you and do more business with you and refer you and all kinds of good stuff. All right. But here's some cons they they warned about. Charismatic leaders might display narcissism and shift the focus from their people to themselves. Now, this can be a benefit sometime.

[00:13:23] A lot of people would say that Trump was narcissistic, but sometimes this is my my take on that. Sometimes having a narcissist on your side is good. All right. This is very commonsensical, which is what I preach, because they don't want to be wrong so bad. They'll work day and night to do the stuff that they're doing on your behalf in the country. Say So that's why he's gets two hours of sleep or something a day because he doesn't want to be wrong and be held accountable for being wrong. So he kills himself to be right. Not like Joe Biden, who's sleeping all day long, can't even see straight. All right. And that's not political comment. This is just about it's sometimes it's good to be a narcissist, but if they're working for you, if they're against you now, that's really bad. My friend Roberta Schuller talks all about how the bad sides of narcissism and how it can hurt you. Totally agree with that. All right. But anyway, they also say that the leaders might become totally self-serving and your efforts in this arena may be viewed as shallow and disingenuous. So so what I take from this is that you really must want to be a better leader and not just do it for selfish reasons because it's going to show. It's going to show there's no doubt about your people that do business with you aren't stupid. All right? They're going to see that you're just doing it for selfish reasons.

[00:14:59] So you really need to genuinely want to improve yourself. So in this article they encourage you to work on communication skills, your humility, maturity and character, which to me means no whining about things when they go wrong and being dependable and fair with people. They say you should have substance, which means when you open your mouth, you actually have something important to say. Unlike many politicians and corporate leaders who just spew bullshit and say nothing every time they speak. Or you see all these congressional hearings. Well, because the investigation, we can't say why we totally fucked up and are screwing you over. We can't say that out loud, even though you know it. So substance confidence. Now, this is a tough one, especially if, you know you are in your position because of nepotism or quotas or for whatever, say, But the more confidence you have, it shows body language. These are things like eye contact with people, openness, the way you shake hands, those kinds of things. Good listening skills. Now these can be learned if you can get your ego out of it where everything has to be about you. See, I contend you will find that a lot more things can be about you if you show care for other people rather than just yourself. I mean, you get the benefits of opening up and caring about other people.

[00:16:38] So even if that's your only purpose, it works. But if you don't, if you just do it for yourself, it's going to show. And I'll add one of my own that's not in the article is through your charm and persuasiveness, you're motivating others to be the best they can be. Now, I know this podcast is about entrepreneurship, right? But let's take a look at some more personal benefits of charisma, which I would contend that when you're happy at home, it does help your business. But that's another story. Now, I was reading an article on the site medium called The Seven Incredible Traits of Powerfully Charismatic Couples. And I got a link here. I think you have to be like a $5 a month member to read it. I think you can read a couple articles free. I don't know if you can do this one or not, but anyway, there's lots of articles out in the world about this. But but this article jumped right to the point where you already have found a mate. Now, I would say that being charismatic will give you a lot more choices to find an incredible mate. But anyway, it jumps in after you've got a mate. So let's see what they have to say about charismatic couples. Now, in this article, the author said, and I quote, powerfully, Charismatic couples know that communication is about understanding your partner's point of view, offering support and letting your partner know you are their number one fan.

[00:18:15] They went on to say that for many people, their relationship takes a major hit when one of them gets angry. So their advice is find someone who still knows how to talk to you when they are angry. In fact, I ask a lady years ago, I can't think of her name. She was in the Speakers Association and had been married a long time. I said, Well, what what do you think the the key is that how you've been married so long? She said. We know how to argue when we're mad. So she knew this years and years ago and had a long, beautiful marriage. So she said something about, yeah, we know how to argue without hurting each other's feelings. That kind of something like that. So my question is, is can you do that? Can you stay calm enough to clearly and not offensively communicate when you're angry? Many people just want to blame the other person rather than look internally to see if they themselves are making the situation better or worse with how they communicate. Now, other things the article went into were knowing when to let things go. Okay? And I know I get really frustrated when I'm waiting around for my significant other to go somewhere, right? I'm notoriously early. If you're not early, you're late and I can't stand being late or taken forever to do something that would have been already done had I just jumped in the car, went and did it and came home.

[00:19:52] All right. But here's the thing. I gave up long ago making a stink about this. I mean, I still have to make comments when there is an absolute deadline. Like if I'm supposed to get on an airplane, that plane is not going to wait. If we're done doing our hair makeup. All right. It's leaving without us. But I quit making a stink about this. But when I weigh all the good things with this person, it's just not worth an argument. In other words, I let it go and I go watch YouTube videos to pass the time. Or I work on my quad motorcycle, anything so that I get my mind off of it because it irks me so bad. All right. But I'm not going to cause any big fights about it unless there is some absolute deadline that's going to screw us all over. Right? In that case, I usually just lie about the time we have to leave by a couple hours, and then that way I get myself some leeway. Don't quote me on that. Now, the next thing they recommended was encouraging the growth and development of your partner. Many people feel this could be a risky one and may contribute to the already horrendous divorce rates. Right. So if one person outgrows the other. It could lead to them growing so far apart. In their relations and their aspirations and goals that it could lead to the end of the relationship.

[00:21:24] Geez, that's a tough one. I don't know what to say about this one because I encourage everyone around me to always improve themselves. And but here's the other side. Many years ago, I had someone leave and cheat on me because they said they felt lost and they felt like they were just Tom's girlfriend because I kept growing and they didn't. Ah, that's a tough one. You're going to have to make a decision on this one, but I just can't imagine encouraging someone to stay where they are just so I don't have to worry about them leaving me. I just it's just not part of my DNA. Anyway, since we're about entrepreneurship, I'm going to let you read those articles on relationships yourself, because I certainly don't pretend to be some kind of relationship expert. That's that's the last person you'd want to come to for that. But I encourage you to read this article and others if you'd like to improve your charismatic relationships. What I can assure you of is that improving your personal charisma by becoming more likable, transparent, fair and all the other things that make people attracted to you that I covered earlier will do wonders for your business. All right. I know this is a little bit off the beaten path for me, but, you know, it's important stuff and it helps your business like crazy.

[00:22:52] I know some people that are very disagreeable and people come to me, take business away from them and come to me because I'm nice to them. Right. So they could be doing much better if they paid attention and not be so disagreeable. And I know people grew up with poor childhoods and tough things that kind of made them this way. I'm just saying, once you get to a certain age, you can't keep blaming it on your childhood. If you know these things are part of your DNA, you got to change your DNA. It's up to you now as an adult to to overcome some of these things from your childhood to do better for you and your family. Yeah, I know that I usually am giving hardcore advice on how to make money, you know, technical stuff and how to run shopping carts and all this stuff to be successful online and professional speaking. All this stuff. But this is critically important because you can do all that other stuff perfectly and then piss off all your customers because of your terrible lowness on the risk scale that where you spend most of your time below five and all of it's going to be for naught. So get yourself on the range which I coined. Remember you heard it here first and it'll mean a lot to your business. So if I can help you with that, check out my mentor program at GreatInternetMarketingtraining.com. Catch you later.