264 - He knows himself: Tom interviews Ken Keis - Screw The Commute

264 – He knows himself: Tom interviews Ken Keis

Ken Keis is a PhD, considered one of the foremost global authorities on personality and how assessment strategies not only increase, but multiply your success rate. He also co-created Consulting Resource Group's proprietary development models and written over 4 million words of content for 40 business training programs, 12 assessments and over 500 articles. He's an expert on assisting individuals, families, teams and organizations to realize their full potential and to live on purpose.

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Screw The Commute Podcast Show Notes Episode 264

How To Automate Your Businesshttps://screwthecommute.com/automatefree/

entrepreneurship distance learning school, home based business, lifestyle business

Internet Marketing Training Centerhttps://imtcva.org/

Higher Education Webinar – https://screwthecommute.com/webinars

[03:06] Tom's introduction to Ken Keis

[08:33] Transitioning from “stage fright” and boosting self-worth

[17:01] Knowing about yourself more and self-awareness

[26:42] Sponsor message

[28:40] You know you're a jerk and what to do about it

Entrepreneurial Resources Mentioned in This Podcast

Higher Education Webinarhttps://screwthecommute.com/webinars

Screw The Commutehttps://screwthecommute.com/

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Screw The Commute Podcast Apphttps://screwthecommute.com/app/

College Ripoff Quizhttps://imtcva.org/quiz

Know a young person for our Youth Episode Series? Send an email to Tom! – orders@antion.com

Have a Roku box? Find Tom's Public Speaking Channel there!https://channelstore.roku.com/details/267358/the-public-speaking-channel

How To Automate Your Businesshttps://screwthecommute.com/automatefree/

Internet Marketing Retreat and Joint Venture Programhttps://greatinternetmarketingtraining.com/

Ken's bookhttp://whyarentyoumorelikeme.com/

Special freebie for Tom's listenershttps://kenkeis.com/tom

Why Aren’t You More Like Me? Online ecourse including assessmenthttps://crgleader.com/online-courses/

Internet Marketing Training Centerhttps://imtcva.org/

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Carol McManus – https://screwthecommute.com/263/

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Episode 264 – Ken Keis
[00:00:09] Welcome to Screw the Commute. The entrepreneurial podcast dedicated to getting you out of the car and into the money, with your host, lifelong entrepreneur and multimillionaire, Tom Antion.

[00:00:24] Hey, everybody, it's Tom here with Episode 264 of Screw the commute podcast. I'm here with a repeat guest and I only have repeat guests on when they were great the first time. And there's no doubt about that. Ken Keis is here from the Consulting Resource Group. And this guy walks his talk. I mean, you know, I like to have people that have actually done what they're trying to teach you. Well, he's conducted more than 3000 presentations and 10000 hours of consulting and coaching. This guy has been there and done that, so. Can't wait to bring him on in a minute. And I hope you didn't miss episode 263 also a repeat guest that I was on her show 13 times when she had her show. But she brought out some super secrets on Amazon Kindle that you don't want to miss if you're a self-published author or any kind of author on using the Amazon system to build your email list and to get your books out there that are going to lead to big money stuff. Yeah. Nobody makes lots of money on books so much. But for our purposes, the book should lead to something else. And we go into that on that episode 263. All right. Make sure you grab a copy of our automation e-book. It's at screwthecommute.com/automatefree. And it's covers all the little tips and tricks and little programs I use to handle up to one hundred and fifty thousand subscribers and forty thousand customers without pulling my hair out. So you definitely want to grab a copy of that. And then while you're at it, get a copy of our podcast app at screwthecommute.com/app. You know, a lot of people get you get an app and you try to figure out how to use the darn thing. Well, we have complete video instructions and screen captures so you can use all these fancy features while you take us with you on the road. Our sponsor's the Internet Marketing Training Center of Virginia. It's a Distance Learning School. But guess what? After eleven years, we're opening it up this summer. Cross my fingers for in-house classes. And that's because we're trying to get accepted by the G.I. Bill. And I'm putting a plea out there. The only thing holding me up is I need a veteran friendly doesn't have to be a veteran, but a veteran friendly CPA that's willing to give us a really good deal on a full audit. And I'll tell him it's the easiest audit they ever did. But that's the only thing holding up our application to the G.I. Bill so we can help more veterans. And, you know, we're all about that. Anyway, the school's at IMTCVA.org, and a little later, I'll tell you about a quiz we did that's going to make you mad when you take this two minute quiz.

[00:03:09] All right. Let's get to the main event. Ken Keis is a PhD, considered one of the foremost global authorities on personality and how assessment strategies not only increase, but multiply your success rate. He also co-created Consulting Resource Group's proprietary development models and written over. Listen to this 4 million words of content for 40 business training programs, 12 assessments and over 500 articles. He's an expert on assisting individuals, families, teams and organizations to realize their full potential and to live on purpose. Ken, are you ready to screw? The commute?

[00:04:09] So how you been, man? It's been awhile.

[00:04:10] I've been been very, very well. Thank you. And thanks for having me back for a second. Go. I always love hanging out with you, Tom. You deserve it, man.

[00:04:18] Here on the on the podcast and training and supporting other people. And people need to be encouraged at this time.

[00:04:25] Well, absolutely they do. And. And you were great on the other. Like I said, I'm not there. No B.S. or I don't have people back. There weren't great the first time. And. And it really helped a lot of people who got a lot of great feedback on the things you helped them with. And and you got a little something else to tell them about today. Right.

[00:04:44] Well, I just wanted you know, we talked about purpose in the last episode. And this time I just want to go a little bit more granular. In your introduction, you said I wanted the number one experts on personality Now, many people have heard of personality assessments and we actually have our own and I have my book Wired to More Like Me, which is just going into its third edition in fifth printings.

[00:05:06] Say the title again.

[00:05:09] Why aren't you more like me? Discover the secrets of understanding yourself and others. So, you know, there's lots of these quote unquote personalities. That's what's out there. And when people get involved with our personal style indicator, we have about an 80 percent switch rate because we really want to be focusing on development. So every person.

[00:05:29] Wait, wait, wait. What's the switch rate?

[00:05:32] Well, with they've been using other person.

[00:05:34] Oh, I see. Oh, they've been using other assessments in the. And then they come to us. Got it. Yeah.

[00:05:41] And in the reason for that, as we honor people, as it's something I do with you versus to you. Mean there's some out there that are trying to be a test and box you in and pigeonhole you and all those kinds of things. And every single person listening to this show has a personality or a personal style, as we call it. The key is I need to know what it is so that I can make deliberate and intentional decisions in life. So it affects my relationships. It affects the nature of the work that I will work, affects my leadership, my team interactions, all of these things, parenting. I mean, those of us that have more than a couple of kids, they're different. And how I want to interact with them. Why don't I serve them? So it goes right back to the title. Why aren't you more like me?

[00:06:26] Ok. So this is a self-discovery here so that you know how to interact with others. Is that a fair assessment or or that one?

[00:06:35] Plus what I would say, I am consulting research group. This is our forty first year as a company. I bought it. I've been connected to it since nineteen ninety. I bought it in just under 20 years ago from the founder, Dr. Anderson. So when we think about yes, it's good to interact with others. But one of the things, Tom, when we look at the stats out there is excuse me, 80 or 90 percent of people dislike what they do for mildly irritate, take the love. And since I've done our three day certification for 17 years and certified professionals from all around the world, I've really progressed to the fact that our tool is as much about self validation. Is it about learning about others? So, you know, we started to talk about self-awareness in the last show and maybe we know deeper here that is really the meta skill for the 21st century. Do I know who I am? Is there a lot of times people really don't necessarily embrace this if who they are. So, oh, if I could just be like, can I just be like Tom, I'd be OK. No, no, no. You need to be just like you.

[00:07:36] So a lot of when I was growing up, my dad, when I was a teenager, he said, you know what? You talk too much. Why don't you shut up in here? I get paid to speak all over the world. Were, you know, do EE courses or whatever the case might be. And so I was not really honor my my self-worth. And high school sucked because who I was was not embraced. It was not acknowledged. It was not verified. And so I believe that the tool has moved into this place where it's around a validation. And so when I bring confidence to the table, then my ability to interact with others increases. And then part two is, yes, I need to understand how Tom is different than can. And what does Tom need from me and then moved from being self centered. I'm not changing who I am, but I am moving away from being self-centered. Says What does Tom need first? And then I don't feel threatened. I don't feel disabled. I'm positive and who I am. But I also want to honor Tom. What is uniquely you need from me.

[00:08:39] How did you transition from low self worth? Because I did a lot of study on stage fright and performance anxiety. You know, in my speaking stuff from professional speaker training and a lot of people that have it. We're told just like you were, sit up and shut up. Kids should be seen and not heard and things like that. So how did you make the transition? Is what we're talking about are the tools that you're using?

[00:09:07] Well, for sure. You know, one of the things we're assessment company and I believe in assessment. So an example is if you go to your banker and you're looking for a mortgage and you just say, listen, I'm not going to give you financial statements, of course, they just laugh you out of the maze. Or if you went to your doctor and they sit across the table from you, Tom, and says, I think your blood pressure is this putting the blood cuff on. So everywhere in life, we do assessments. We do a measurement. And so we believe that assessment's is a benchmarking tool to help us to develop. So we have twelve assessments, not just personality, wellness, self worth assessment. Our confidence indicator of values, assessment of leadership skills, learning styles, all these things job fit. So all of these in pieces are pieces of the puzzle. So you know your question around developing self worth. First of all, I never had stage fright, so I knew even when I was 16 years of age that I enjoyed speaking. Even when I was a teenager, I was asked to be EmCee of many of the banquets in advance that were happening in our community. However, my self-worth was low within communities with girls. I mean, this is I have not said this publicly for a long time, but in grade 12, asked 20 people to the Beach Boys concert, I went alone. So that was 20 girls. So they saw me coming and I just had this in internal insecurity of personhood.

[00:10:32] I wasn't good enough. I actually tried to commit suicide when I was 19 years of age. So we we have these things that are undertow because we're not validated for we are now. Get me in front of an audience of 5000 people. I have zero hesitation, zero nerves, absolutely none whatsoever. However, if you were to scroll back to my 20s, I'm going to ask somebody out to go on a date. I'm just like this little mud puddle. So we we actually believe in a concept and we might as well go here in what we call situational self worth. And what we mean by that is that people's confidence, late levels are are contextual to the event that they're in. So I was bilong when I was 16 years of age. I grew up in a dairy farm. And so here and I've been in this industry for 31 years. So that was quite a transition. But I was part of the 4 age program, which is a youth reach program. I was a national award winner, one of five people that won a trip to Europe when I was 18 years of age. Yet in high school, I was bullied, picked on and never could get a date. So the environment that I was part of, I had this confidence in this agricultural community because I was with my peers and I excelled in that environment and therefore, my confidence was high. Take me out of that environment. My competence is low.

[00:11:52] So you could say you're really good with cows.

[00:11:57] Yes, they could. And that would actually be a true statement. But it was. It was. They'll be really careful, Tom, what you say. I know. I know. Because I was a goat. So you took a cow to the prom, but looks right as your stand up comic days. You're really messing with the audience. Let's not go there. But but I get it. I get it. So. Or use your slept with your cows.

[00:12:24] So for me, that context and everybody listening here. It's interesting how sometimes if you have a family of origin that's dysfunctional, which most of us do. Then you get into that environment, all of a sudden you act differently. Well, why is that? I mean, are you really a different person? Know that self-worth has come into play. And I know even around my family, my wife says to me, Ken, you don't you don't act like everybody else. I said, no, I don't. I'm fine. And so that defensiveness comes out. So that was really what I started to do is to work on and be around people to develop my self-worth. I give credit to the National Speaker Association. You know, in the 80s when I joined, they just really took me under their wings. I belonged to the Seattle chapter at that time, was traveling down and committing to go see them. And people were just very, very supportive. So I started on this journey and as I got more success and started to feel better and who I was in my identity and also I'm a spiritual person. So I just developed my faith as well that all of that came together to really put me in this position now where we all of us have to work on our self-worth or our confidence every day. But I'm in a position now where, you know what, I don't need other people's approval to feel okay. Yeah, we'd like it, but I don't need it.

[00:13:41] And so I appreciate one of my mentors, Alan Weiss, on that where he said, you know, if you were to run your life based on what everybody else says and does for your life, then pretty soon your life is somebody else's life and not yours. And that's where, you know, having this independence, having this confidence, you know, my ability to say no is equally important is my ability to say yes. And so that's why we believe that personality or personal style in our case in the book, why it's more like me is so important is that can I honor who I am now? Everybody here is strengths. And everybody here has stuff. I'll call it weaknesses, I guess. And so what is that? There's and there's no style that's better than others. Sometimes people will judge and say, well, if this personality type is better than no way, they are simply different. And so we really get people to embrace their personhood, acknowledged the strengths they bring, but also acknowledge the things that they don't bring. And what does that mean in terms of their choices, their life? You know, if I have a job or a role, Tom, that I'm doing that's not a style or personality fit, then we know over time I can not maintain my engagement. It's not sustainable. And so what? So rather than maybe feeling guilty or beating myself up that I'm not applying myself. Maybe I could recognize the fact that I'm doing something that I'm shouldn't be doing.

[00:15:04] I mean, that's what we are talking about, screwing the community. Is that a lot of times? I mean, the research is clear, 80 or 90 percent of people are doing something that they dislike. Well, they obviously are not owning your their space to say no to jobs that don't fit. So this is just one tool of many. I mean, the purpose book is separate. You know, my purpose and what I'm called to do and my interest, gifts and talents are separate measures. I really dislike I'm quite opinionated about it. I know that you know that I'm not Tom Button opinionated over the fact you should never link your personality or type or your personal style to a career. And the reason being you link it to a job because interest, gifts and talents are separate measures. So we have all different personality types in law enforcement, all different personality types in the medical profession, all different personality types in the speaking profession or professional Nobel and field that you and I are in. And so there should be no judgment on that. Now, how I go about doing it, how I interact with that space is unique to my. Style. And that's what we're trying to teach people, is to separate those things, so, you know, I hate it when somebody is a fill out this type and says, oh, you're supposed to be an accountant.

[00:16:14] First screw you, screw that information.

[00:16:19] That is that is 100 percent discriminatory. And if somebody is listening and you're still teaching that, you need to kind of get off of that and stop doing that. The people. I remember an individual who was overseeing a billion dollar monetary fund that had no analytical or detailed part of his body in his personal style pattern. I said, how do you do that? You said, well, I'm strategic. I'm visionary. I had the actuaries who worked for me. I'm trying to work with all the different ideas of how we can strategize to optimize the response in the return to our money. And so our investments. And so that's where he came from. But he loved that space. So, I mean, anybody else would say in a career if they were using in a personality assessment. So you shouldn't be that. But he was.

[00:17:07] All right. So let's say someone is listening to this and getting all fired up. Like to they'd like to know about themselves more and what they want to make some changes.

[00:17:17] What do they do with you? What do they do?

[00:17:20] Well, I'm going to give a free gift. But for this book, I do have a website called Why Aren't You? More like Life.com. And you can go there. You can order the book there. And interesting, the book actually comes with a complimentary personal style. Cater normally sells for forty five dollars. But I include it for free in the book. And the reason being is I want you to get into that assessment and to learn about it. We also have a full E course online and nowadays everybody is, you know, looking at the online world more closely. That's for sure. We have a full E course called Whyarentyoumorelikeme.com on our site where you can go through a whole five hour course that I teach about personality, personal style. What does it mean to you? And then we develop a whole person, you know, things like biophysical factors, self-worth, values, culture. All of these things contribute to my personhood, Tom. And we don't want to include or exclude any of these. We just want to be totalitarian or holistic in our approach. And so that's what we're encouraging people that you're not any single item is that you are all of these things that contribute to your personhood.

[00:18:37] No. Do people typically, once they get into this, go all the way through all 12 of your assessments or do they not really need to do all of them?

[00:18:48] They don't need to do all of them, because some of them don't always apply to everybody. But I do have a core four or five that most people will go through at some level or another. So we have a wellness assessment. I have a diploma, nutrition and genetics, and I have co-authors that have run wellness centers. And so that it's actually a long list called the Stress Indicator and health planner. So if somebody's stressed in life, even though I might have the right personal style, an example, I didn't I don't know if I told this story last time, but in 1988, I was diagnosed manic depressive and put on anti-depressants, lithium. So about two weeks into taking this drug, I was ready to kill people and I said, something's not right. So a friend of mine out of Texas, Sharon, said to me, can you. I you're not depressed, as I understand it. And she's a psychologist. She's I think you need to go do this physical part. So I went on my insistence to my doctor and got a glucose tolerance test and found out I was hypoglycemic. I'm not manic depressive. And so once I've got my blood sugar levels in order, then my moodiness from being completely up and completely down changed. So for a lot of you listening, you're thinking your personality is changed now. You know, our our health levels in North America really, you know, in this podcast goes around the world. But our health levels in the developed world are not the greatest.

[00:20:10] And so those things are affected by that. And then we also have a values assessment, Tom, in all the research is clear about it. If I know what my values are, then I can makes values based decisions. There's too many decisions, advice, too much confusion, too many choices. So what if I was to know what my core values are? Let's say it's challenge or tranquility or responsibility, whatever it is. I use that to filter my decisions. And then we do a play on words and say, what would it mean if you made the right decision every time in your life? So I referenced the values preference indicator in my Wired to More Like Me book. It's so important it's built out of our personal style indicator as a sort of a hidden design. In all, the research is clear. My stress levels go down, my decision making goes up, my ability to even receive negative feedback improves in my resiliency increases, all because I know what my core values are. So. Nation or unknowns creates confusion and people. Clarity creates know power, even our friend Brendan Bouchard, you wrote the book Habits of High Performers, the number one habit of high performers of clarity. So that's what the assessments are around benchmarking. And then what am I going to do about it? And then the self fourth assessment we talked about and personal style. So those are four. And if somebody is in leadership, we have a leadership skills tool, if that's something you want to learn or if you're a student.

[00:21:33] We have a learning style tool, so you don't need to take all twelve. But those those are some of the ones that can link in to developing yourself. I remember asking the question dip balls. Who wrote the book? What color is your parachute? He just passed away a couple of years ago at 92 and we were having dinner in California. And I asked him, I said with all the possibilities out there in the podcast from Tom and the podcast from Ken, why do we still have 80 percent of people dislike what they're doing out there? And he said, you know, immediately he responded, Tom, is that people have not been willing to do the work. You know, if you don't know what your purpose is, then your purpose is to discover your purpose. If you don't know what your personal style is, you need to do it. When Talent Smart did a survey and this is a subsidiary of Kenneth Blanchard, training is only 2 percent of the population will realize their potential without the knowledge of personal style or your personality. And then why is that? Because it affects everything. It's more important than your education, your background, because this consciousness, personal style, in our opinion, does not change throughout your lifetime. It is something you inherently born with these natural predispositions of how you interact with the world. So I need to know those that you're biologically wired this way and by having that knowledge.

[00:22:50] Now I can make these intentional, deliberate decisions. I don't have to apologize for who I am. And then the other thing that happens with self-awareness. We want to move into another stage, which is called self management and self managed mastery. So, Tom, if I know that I'm a jerk and I continue to be a jerk, that's really self-awareness. I know self where it is, but I'm still a jerk. Self management itself. Mastery is that. Oh, I know. I'm come across as a jerk. How do I manage that? Because my credibility is based on what I do and what I don't do with all the people that I meet. And so that's your behavior and motion. Are you conscious and awake that your behavior having impact? Well, since we had our last show, I had Dr. Tasha Urich on my show, which wrote the New York Times bestseller Insights last year. And she did some research time, which was fascinating. And what percentage of people believe that they know themselves so that your opinion of self is congruent and equal to what other people think about you? Ninety five percent of the population said that they knew themselves and how married life by their. It's said that they knew themselves. Then Tasha took her students. She's in Colorado and had people to interview them around them. What percentage do you think Tom did? The opinions of the people around them was congruent with what people thought about the problems.

[00:24:07] I'm a very good 10 percent. 10 percent percent of people are delusional.

[00:24:14] Eighty five percent of people don't even know that. They don't know that. They don't know. Now, this is not a judgment. Everybody listening. But if you have not done the work, if you have not really invested in yourself to develop yourself, to be aware of yourself, how do you know that you don't know? And Pasha's research prove that. And her book, Insight says that self-awareness is the meta skill for the 21st century. You know, if I know what I'm good at, if I know what I like, if I know what my values are, then, oh, man, it's so much easier. And that's really our work. Now, I mean, it's hard to even believe, Tom, you and I have been in this business for a bit in not that long ago. A couple of months ago, I was at a conference and I had, you know, a couple hundred people in the room doing a workshop. And as you said in the opening, I'd done three thousand paid presentations over those years. I have never had more fun than doing that workshop just a couple of months ago. And it's interesting after being in this industry for 31 years. That is my passion. There's just nothing that jacks me more as to really to engage and to motivate and to serve the people in the room. In my speaking went to another level a few years ago, and I don't exactly know how it occurred, but I can, you know, looking back from a self-awareness point of use that came to a point where I no longer was interested in press, in impressing people on our no longer needed the validation from individuals.

[00:25:39] So that's nice. It was really more about how could I serve these people? How could I at this very moment help them to have a better life in whatever context it is? How can I bring the best of that in? It's interesting, Tom, and you've been in front of audiences and serve people for many, many years. Is that most people want to go there. But a lot of cultures, environments, significant others have not created an environment of growth for that person. So they've been stymied. They'd been crushed. They'd been hindered in some way or another. And I know when people get involved with the work that we're doing that hindered, those hindrances are removed. They are finally sort of opened up. And we said the greatest person that you could be, those of you that are listening is to be all that you can be in what you are called to do. First of all, I believe every person, every person listening has a purpose. Every person listening has a personal style. Once you know those things, then you can be so intentional and so clear about your decisions in life without it doesn't mean we're not going to screw up. We still will. But it's gonna be so much easier and faster and more enjoyable for you.

[00:26:49] All right. Wow. All this stuff is very powerful. We got to take a quick sponsor break and then when we come back, I want to go back to the part about, you know, you're a jerk and what to do about it.

[00:27:00] So we're going to have Ken expand on that when we get back.

[00:27:03] All right. So, folks, I thought you're going to be mad. That's a self-awareness thing where I'm projecting that. I know you're going to him. No, no. What that's called in psych language. But but you're going to take a quiz. It's only takes about two minutes. It's at IMT. CVA, dawg. That's my school site slash quiz. And it's the seven rip offs that colleges and universities, traditional ones are doing to families contributing to the massive student debt MBAs are coming out and competing for jobs at Starbucks. So when you see these things and they I have this show in Hollywood in development and consumer advocacy and called Scam Brigade, and I know what fraud is when I see it. And I think these college people would be in jail if it if they hadn't brainwashed the world how great they are for all these years. So take that quiz. And it could save you and save your kids and your nephews, nieces, neighbors, hundreds of thousands of dollars. People want real skills now. They don't want people that learned how to protest for four years. So so check it out at IMTCVA.org/quiz. And then if I can help you discuss one of the best legacy gifts you could give to your kids or grandchildren is Internet marketing skills. Because we're sitting here right now, Canada in part because nobody's going anywhere. We're right in the middle of the Corona virus scare. And a lot of people are really suffering because they don't have these skills where myself and Ken can run a worldwide operation right from our desktop. So so check it out at IMTCVA.org/quiz and call me if I can help you.

[00:28:48] All right. Let's get back to the main event. Ken Keis is with us here. And tremendously powerful man that helped lots and lots of people with learning about themselves. So. So I want to go back to this part, Ken, about. All right. You know, you're a jerk. But what to do about it part. We're just knowing you're a jerk doesn't mean you know why you're a jerk, right? Or do do.

[00:29:13] Well, I think the answer could be yes. It could be. No. So first of all, the statement is for everybody listening. Is that we use the concept of credibility as a window to knowing self. Every single person listening to this show, you have a level of credibility with everybody, you know, if you know it or not, of high, medium or low. The key is most of us don't know. Now, the other side. Tom, when you're talking about is the sin of omission can be equally as important as what you do is meaning what you don't do as much as what you do. Example. Now been married for twenty seven years. We're both 32 when we got married. Actually, she was 33. But she doesn't like me telling that. She's older than me. So we had married and we were in this townhouse and we had an open carport that the kitchen window looked upon and my wife's a teacher. So she was teaching English as a second language. The college got home about 9:00 at night. We'd married for maybe about three months, Tom. I was sitting at the table just reading a paper or something. I don't recall exactly what it was. She gets out of her car and I just way to her and she's got her arm full of books. And then she comes through the front door and she's mad with me.

[00:30:24] Well, why is that? And of course, before you guys hate, because I didn't get up and open the door for her or help her. And of course, I said as a man, I was just kind of being ditzy. And I said, I'm in training now and I'll get up and open the door. So no, no. So first of all, before I can do anything, I need to be conscious and awake that there's my behaviors constantly having impact of some sort or another. So if I know that my behavior is having a negative effect affect around people, then I can at least do something about it if I choose to. So as we said earlier, time awareness is one. Number two is the what are the choices? I have to adjust myself. If I know that this behavior is offending my wife, then maybe I'll get up and I'll open the door next time and be able to be conscious. So first of all, I didn't even know she was giving me too much credit, that I was even conscious that I should know this, that I should be able to read her mind. Right? Hmm. So first of all, I'm not going to pick on you, Tom, because you didn't do something. Tom didn't know that Tom was coming across this way.

[00:31:27] So we'll we'll we'll show Grace to that. And then from there, what is it that you need to do? So I had the the privilege a couple of years ago to be in New York with Dr. Marshall Goldsmith, number one executive coach in the world. And a lot of times in his coaching methodology called stakeholder feedback is I get feedback from people around you that say, how do you show up? And then what we actually get the leaders to do is we get them to go to everybody and we apologize, get them to apologize not for their behavior, but that the behavior was offensive in some way or another. And then from there they go and they start checking in and say, listen, why not start doing now? Tom is I'm not going to interrupt you and I'm going to listen to your ideas, to their completion. Before I interject my own ideas or my own thoughts or stop you. And what I'm going to do is I'm going to check in with you every two weeks or once a month or whatever and say, Tom, how am I doing with this idea of not interrupting you and letting you finish your ideas and letting you have your ideas before I interject my own? And so now you're getting this like feedback about how you're doing.

[00:32:34] See, if I don't know that I'm doing it, if I'm not even conscious. That's offensive to you that I can't I'm not going to act on it. So that's part of this. Constantly checking in, Tom, about how am I doing? And then here's the other side. People need to want to grow. Right. There is a thing that Scott Peck had in his road less traveled. I know you're familiar with the book, right? In in the book, he says there is one condition that is nearly impossible to treat. And it's called character disorder and character disorders, where you blame everybody else for your condition. And so if you're blaming everybody else, I'm not going to take responsibility for the fact that I contributed to what's going on here. So my encouragement to you is that everybody here listening that some way or another you have contributed to the condition, even if it's 1 percent. What is your role? What is your responsibility? Because the only person you can be in charge of is yourself. You can't make anybody else do anything else, even though you think you can. And so my encouragement is that you own your own space, your own your own behaviors. And then if there's things that you're not doing that you should be doing. Let's say you're a supervisor and you don't deal with people that are contrary to policy.

[00:33:43] And guess what? Your credibility is eroded with the entire team because you're not dealing with them. Or maybe it's to stop doing something like me interrupting you as a show host or something like that. So, again, it's just this you're gonna make this commitment to work and then the other side. And this is what you do. This is what I do, is most of us at somewhere another have a coach, have an adviser, have a mentor or have a mastermind group, whatever it is. Is that you? This is not a pathway that you want to do on your own. You want to get people to help all professional athletes in some form or another, have a coach. Why wouldn't we have that in life and business? And I've had many over the years. And in fact, when I got into this industry, I hired a coach in nineteen eighty nine. Tom before coaching was big to help me get clear about my purpose in life. And I spent six months dedicated to that process, journaling and working on that as even before computers. So just handwriting, all the stuff that he asked me to do. So I would get clear that my purpose in life is to help others to live, lead and work on purpose.

[00:34:46] Yeah, because if you're trying to do it all by yourself, you're just guessing. You don't really know the effect it's having on other people.

[00:34:54] Absolutely. And then, you know, each of us develop our own expertise. I mean, I'm not a chemical engineer. You're never I'm not an airplane mechanic. And in fact, if I was an airplane mechanic, many people would die. Top tip, that would be not a good idea, but leadership, personal style, developing self self-awareness, wellness. That is my space. Just like you helping people to screw the commute, to be independent, to be Internet marketing. Savvy. I mean, your expertise is all over that for many, many decades.

[00:35:28] Yeah, I call it like an insurance policy for times like right now. You know, that's I've been preaching that since 1997.

[00:35:35] So tell him. Tell him about the book where they work it. They can get it and how they can learn more.

[00:35:41] So two things. First of all, free gift for everybody, Tom, OK. So the free gift is I'm going to give you a full downloadable of my purpose book, which is kenkeis.com/tom. I don't know where I got that URL from. But it's a special hidden URL for Tom's listeners. And then if you want to find out more about yourself now, this book is now coming into the third edition and fifth printing is called why aren't you more like me and you can go to Whyarentyoumorelikeme.com. You can be able to get the book from that site. My encouragement to do is go there. Don't go to Amazon. We're just not doing an e-book with them right at this moment. So Whyarentyoumorelikeme.com and then we'll make sure that you ls in the show notes so that Tom has them as well. And then it comes with a free assessment. And if you have any questions, email me. I mean, one of the things I like about you, Tom, is that in spite of all your success in life, you are so responsive. When I email you, you get right back to me and I'll try to do the best I can to get back to people personally through this process as well.

[00:36:48] Well, everybody sitting around their house now, so it should be easy.

[00:36:53] And every time you say your book was in its fifth printing, I keep thinking about, yeah, I got a book that's in its seventh printing only because I'm a self publisher.

[00:37:03] In the first six printings were Bluray and you did five copies. I was aware that they were blurry takes steps, so.

[00:37:16] Oh, that's great. Boy, this is powerful stuff for not only personally, but for business. You know, so we didn't talk a lot about business today, but you can't be good in business if you're not good personally to start with.

[00:37:29] All right. So. So the number the number one reason, just to kind of close the show.

[00:37:34] The two top reasons that leaders fail, hubris and arrogance. Number two, lack of interpersonal communication. There you go. That's what that's what wired to like me is all about, is improving that.

[00:37:44] Well, we're gonna help him with that with your leadership, too. So thanks so much for coming back in and enlightening us again. We're going to have to have you on 12 times to cover each one of the assessments.

[00:37:55] Absolutely. Tom. And thanks for having me. I always love being with you and I love your energy. And thanks for serving the community.

[00:38:01] All right, everybody. So we will catch you all on the next episode. Get over there to the show notes and grab that freebie and grab a copy of the Why aren't you more like me? I wondered about that. Why aren't you more like me? All right. Catch y'all on the next episode. See you later.

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