237 – She’s an “Inclusive” dating coach: Tom interviews Erin Tillman

Episode 237 - Erin Tillman
[00:00:09] Welcome to Screw the Commute. The entrepreneurial podcast dedicated to getting you out of the car and into the money, with your host, lifelong entrepreneur and multimillionaire, Tom Antion.

[00:00:24] Hey everybody it's Tom here with episode 237 of Screw the Commute podcast. I'm here with Erin Tillman. And if you want to know about dating advice, she is the bomb. She's the go to girl in L.A. for dating advice. And she's going to tell you how she made a business out of it, too. And hope you didn't miss Episode 236 old friend of mine, Grace Daly. And she made a 30 year career with no experience just by asking questions when she was young and starting out and came up to she's a top person in her field and everybody turns to her for advice now in the field that she's in. So check her out later and grab a copy of our automation e-book. It's a $27 e-book that's saved me millions and millions. Literally. One of the tips in the book saved me seven and a half million keystrokes over the years and allowed me to handle a hundred fifty thousand subscribers and forty thousand customers without pulling my hair out. And you get it free for listening to the screw the compute podcasts. So check it out at screwthecommute.com/automatefree. And while you're over you might as well grab a copy of our podcast app. It'll do all kinds of fancy things while on your cell phone or your tablets. And you know, a lot of these apps, they just throw them at you and expect you to figure out yourself. But in this case we have a whole page to show you screen captures of what to do and how to use the thing. So you're not lost all the time. But it's really great. You can catch that at screwthecommute.com/app. All right. Our sponsor's the great Internet Marketing Retreat and joint venture program where myself and my staff work with you for a year to either get you started in an Internet business or to use the Internet to take your existing business to the next level so you can check it out. And it's very unique. It's the longest one ever on this field, the most successful. Seventeen hundred students over 20 years. Very powerful, powerful thing. And you'll see it's a very unique way. I run it, too, that you can get in at a relatively low entry fee compared to people at my level charging you 50 or 100 grand upfront. You'll see that my method is why everybody loves this program. But check it out at greatinternetmarketingtraining.com. By the way, all the things that we talk, any links to Erin's stuff will be at episode 237. So screwthecommute.com/237 are the show notes.

[00:03:10] All right. Let's get to the main event. The Dating Advice Girl, Erin Tillman is with me. She is an inclusive dating empowerment coach, author, speaker and media personality based in Los Angeles. And for 12 years, she's helped empower singles through workshops, matchmaking, podcasting and her book, The Consent Guidebook. And she's contributed to Lifetime, BuzzFeed, Elle and Men's Health and more. Erin, are you ready to screw? The commute?

[00:03:44] Was messed up again and like death.

[00:03:48] I was hoping you would. So. So there we go.

[00:03:53] So you're in L.A. right now? Right.

[00:03:58] It's a beautiful 60. Some degrees out and sunny. Of course.

[00:04:03] Of course. Of course, it's a little chilly here today, but we had 70 last week. So I'm in southeastern Virginia is not. We don't get much snow or anything like that. So I gave it up. I used to live up north and you can have my share of all the snow. And well, you just had an avalanche in California. Did you know that today? No. Lake Tahoe, the California side had an avalanche on the bunny slope. He was yeah, somebody somebody died and somebody is probably heads are gonna roll because they are supposed to blast those avalanches every morning so that nobody gets hurt. So it's it's a big mess. It's happening right as we speak, but it's so scary.

[00:04:45] Yeah. No. Yes. So what I hate about skiing is when a little three year old kid stops to ask me if I'm all right.

[00:04:54] Yes. Yeah.

[00:04:59] I've never actually been I've I've gone to Lake Tahoe. I've been the big bear, but I've never actually ski.

[00:05:05] Of course, you're the one that sits at the fire with your feet up. And all the guys are chasing you around, of course. Yeah. Yeah. That's right, Tom.

[00:05:13] With the hot hot tail toddy.

[00:05:15] There you go. Warm. You know, why not?

[00:05:19] Hartnett If I look like you, I do the same thing. I'd never work a day in my life if I was if I was a hot looking babe from L.A..

[00:05:27] Thanks. As we're about to talk about, I work super hard and I look good doing it.

[00:05:32] So there you go. All right. Well, that's a bummer. So. So tell everybody what you do now and then we'll take you back to see how you got got here.

[00:05:40] Ok, cool and inclusive. Let's take that.

[00:05:43] What does that mean, exactly? Inclusive dating. You mean you don't you don't kick anybody out?

[00:05:50] Kinda. Yeah, I mean, you know, I think the word inclusive is thrown out quite a bit or thrown around quite a bit. For me, it means that growing up in a small town in Ohio, I grew up very like, you know, mainstream vanilla. You know, your date, someone you married, though. Yeah, maybe all things right. And so in my journey of 12 years, I've come to know like different kinds of relationships, you know, non-traditional relationships, polyamorous relationships, BSM, kink related relationships, the LGBTQ community. So I truly am trying to be an inclusive dating coach show, not just cater to one group or I others. Even in all of this eclectic NYSUT, I do I still have tips for mainstream vanilla monogamous people too. So I truly am inclusive.

[00:06:42] When I do my internet marketing seminars, I show a bunch of different membership sites and I ask people, what can you think you can compete with Match.com? And Enbridge's is no. Heck no, we can't. But all these different niche dating sites are up. They have like tall people date and short people date and they got they actually have clowned dating and they have a gluten free singles.

[00:07:05] Right. So, yes, there's all kinds of smaller markets. Farmers only, you know, farmers. Yep, farmers only. So I was thinking maybe start with serial killers date or something like that.

[00:07:19] Now, I mean, I think I think they're already in the mix.

[00:07:21] Oh, okay. And so forth.

[00:07:25] So how does it work? So people call you up, you do one on one group membership. Well, how does it work?

[00:07:32] No. So I basically started not really as a business. And I think that's been that's made my journey extra interesting and extra confusing at times because I started off as a blog. So let's go back in our minds, back in time to around 2007, 2008, when YouTube was stari and all the apps were starting. Right? Right. Free Tinder, pre Instagram. Medek Facebook was starting. Or was it? You know what? MASSAR Call was definitely around. But, you know, there were a lot of the digital platforms that we have now. So I started this rudimentary blog on godaddy.com just basically typing my opinions out. Why there a double standards between men and women. CIS gendered Ben cisgendered women when it comes to dating and sex. Like why is it like, oh yeah bro. Go and like screw you want and then ladies. Oh no, she's a slut. Like what? So I was basically writing my opinions about that started that way. And so it evolved over the 12 years though, to become part coaching, one on one coaching. So I get a lot of clients who were newly divorced. Maybe they were married for 20 years. And it's a whole new world with dating. And like we said, digital platforms so literally have no idea where to get or what app to use or how to set up an app or what. Where do you how to message all that stuff. So I help with the basics. OK. My business is based around the early, but the early few months of dating don't help with with clothing and stuff like that.

[00:09:05] Or do you turn them over to our friend rain?

[00:09:07] I was just going to say Raine and I who was on an episode of your podcast.

[00:09:13] Raine Parvis, everybody. Yes. She's a personality. She's a huge character. I love her. She's great. She will sometimes team up and she's really great at making people over. So we've I've also teamed up with photographers. If people want to get some really nice pictures, if they've never had a really good picture. I mean, I think selfies are selfies are always best because it really people want to see what you really look like. Now, up until lighting model. So somebody wants to have a cool shot. You know, the photographers you do that to for dating profiles. So, yeah, so it evolved to one on one coaching, speaking at colleges around dating safety and dating app safety. The me too movement happened. Consent was heavily, heavily brought back into my brands, as you can imagine, because that goes hand in hand. A lot of times you think, yeah. I mean, I've I've consulted with dating apps at this point. I do some television stuff. I do some radio stuff. I wrote a book two years ago called The Consent Guidebook, so I can't do everything. That's crazy.

[00:10:12] You made a whole career out of this now, which is what we're talking about here is your screwing the commute as much as possible in L.A. because just going for a hamburger, you eight hours round trip.

[00:10:26] Exactly.

[00:10:28] Always some sort of traffic happening like 1 a.m. on a Sunday where we're out of time.

[00:10:33] Do you live?

[00:10:34] I'm actually in the low ceilings Silverlake area near Griffith Park.

[00:10:38] The Griffith Observatory, one of the main roads through there.

[00:10:43] Sunset I Sunset, Vermont's Hollywood Boulevard. A new Dodger Stadium, Max.

[00:10:51] Wow. Now, where is the Hollywood Bowl?

[00:10:54] The Hollywood Bowl is not far. That's Hollywood. So a little bit west of my town. My area is just a little bit east of Hollywood.

[00:11:03] Now, you know, when we're on the East Coast or kind of the rest of the world is getting some really nasty pictures of L.A. with homelessness and filth and disease and everything, you know, what do you say about that? Does that happen or are you just not where you are?

[00:11:21] No, no, it's it's a it's a massive problem. And luckily, finally, it seems like our city is trying to address it and really like admit that there's a massive problem. Funny story, actually, Tom. So I'm dating somebody and he's white. He was walking up. He's not home.

[00:11:39] There's a group on the street or if don't know.

[00:11:43] I was set high standards, you know, but so. So yesterday we went for breakfast in my neighborhood. Well, walking back to my apartment and a homeless guy stopped us like he gave me a kiss and a homeless guy stopped this and said like n word kissing.

[00:12:00] Why do you do that? He's not inclusive. Is it not inclusive?

[00:12:05] It's like he's. It was clearly a homeless man. And unlike, you know, this is and I look at very not to be weird, but I live in a really nice area. That's really it's a million dollar house area. It's really nice. It's rampant in every part of the city. That's a whole other podcasts. So it really is a problem. Yes, absolutely.

[00:12:23] What is it? I thought a million dollar house was slumming it in, you know, multi, multimillion dollar Alexeyeva. Yeah. So. So, yeah. But to. He was in any danger. Just. Just.

[00:12:38] Well luckily I'm very I'm very lucky that my guys are very chivalrous and he's almost six foot two. So he. He saw it coming sort of and kind of made himself a little bit winos. But I don't see it's real. You know, we're getting way off topic. But just on a personal note, it was really weird. That's that's even going up in a small conservative town, Ohio. This was a first. I've never had that happen thrown at me like that before.

[00:13:04] Yeah, exactly. So, yes. But the reason I bring it up is because, you know, it does affect dating. I mean, there's safety issues and dating in places you do. I know you don't want to go and all that stuff.

[00:13:17] So I'm glad you brought it up because I mean, like I said to me, I picked I picked I'm choosing well with the person I'm dating. I mean, you snapped into action immediately. And we've not been in this situation like that before. And so it was really cool. I mean, I definitely dated people in the past where if something were to happen or favors like a bar fight or something, they would freak out. Leave me hanging. Right. And it's like, oh, man. So was really it was a nice. We've been dating for a little while, but it was a really nice quote unquote, tests of like, what would he do in a dry scenario? His instincts kicked in and he went and like protected me. It was beautiful.

[00:13:54] Well, so so here's here's the thing. I know I happen. I'm bragging. I happen to know what women want.

[00:14:03] All right. Oh, my God. It can't wait.

[00:14:05] It's it's security. All right. And you know how I know? Because every time I approach one in a bar, she starts yelling, security, security.

[00:14:17] Ok. Pretty good. All right. So how long how long you normally work with a person?

[00:14:26] So it depends on what the person's looking for. I've had I've had a lot of clients that are one off clients, meaning they're like, oh, I just want the basics. I just need like a basic, like framework for where to begin. There's a lot and those those clients are usually a little bit younger. They're little savvier women meeting process. They've been dating for a while. They had partners. But then there's another couple other categories of people that I coach that are, like I said before, brand new. They've been at the game for years. It's a whole new world in terms of the digital platforms. Right. Where do I begin? Those people do typically like an ongoing thing, like my sessions are only an hour at a time. Only so much you can cover. Right. So, you know, one session might be, first of all, getting clear on what your dating relationship goals are, because a lot of people are not clear about what they're looking for. And a lot of people are like, oh, I just like a nice person. But they're not remembering or thinking that there's all different kinds of ways and ways to date and all different kinds of relationships people are looking for. Like I said earlier, polyamory, non-traditional things, traditional like. You've got to be clear. And a lot of people not taking the time to think about that. So that's step one. And then how to find a single step, too. And then I'll be like.

[00:15:41] Details of dating app profile, some things are steps right now, what kind of person, I mean, is it still a bulk of the percentage is just vanilla or a lot of these other non traditionals, you know, really taking over?

[00:15:58] Well, OK. So for me like this still, I know a lot of the dating coaches in L.A. a lot of us have a niece. My niece, as I said, is inclusivity. So I do a lot of things that aren't necessarily traditional. So you have to imagine most of my clients that come to me are more nontraditional, I say. Right. But but Evy said, I do get I do get a lot of straight heterosexual, monogamous minded people as well.

[00:16:22] But I think it's got to be boring for you.

[00:16:26] No. But, you know, it's funny. It's funny. I'm like everyone at the fundamental basic level. We all want the same thing. We all want to find somebody who we can have fun with, who gets us, who listens to us that we might want to share life with, even whether whether that's a short term thing or a long term thing. We all want the basics. So whether it's something, you know, more out there in terms of like adventurousness or something that's more traditional. Boil it down, everyone's looking for the same thing. So it's really not that difficult. But what what my non-traditional clients like is that they do feel a little more safe with me. They know, but I'm not going to judge them if they tell me that they're into, you know, like the movie Cats is out right now. And there's a whole joke about people who are furries dress up and I'm right. Right. I'm not going to judge that client. I will direct them and point them in the direction of where to me, other people like this without judgment. So I get those clients and they're always very grateful. You know, no one wants to be judged for whatever.

[00:17:25] No, no, I go. I thought you said when you're everybody wants the same thing, you're going to say. So I'm like, OK, you know, I want to a rich cougar that's got a big yard.

[00:17:36] I understand. I live in Los Angeles. There is some of that element.

[00:17:42] I've had a few clients who literally are like, I want somebody who's wealthy. And that's not gender specific. I've had some guys say that, too.

[00:17:50] Yeah, no, I totally get it. Right.

[00:17:53] So, you know, CSI did a whole episode on that. I forget which one was maybe Miami. But on the beach, the people dressing up in like Big Bear and bunny costumes and.

[00:18:06] Yeah. Rubbing against each other and stuff like that. Right. It's all big. It's all thing. Yeah.

[00:18:12] They're into it and they're consensual about it and everyone's on board. Godspeed.

[00:18:18] You know, I'm I try it. I don't know if we can find the bunny costumes.

[00:18:24] Well, I guess one out there on the Internet.

[00:18:29] So tell us about the business of this. Like, do you sell packages or go by the hour? How did how does the business end of this actually work?

[00:18:38] Right. Right. So, I mean, most of my clients in the past, my business has been mostly hourly basis. So people reach out to me. I am. Yeah, I'm on Yelp. I've got some great reviews on Yelp or low-fi me through my Web site or a very active on social media. So one of those platforms, someone will message me, I'll give them my rates on the tell me what they're what they're having trouble with. And then we'll set up an hour session. Now, somebody some nice people out the gate will say, I know, but I want multiple sessions with you. So I'll give them a package deal. That's the case, right. When I. And so it's you know, there's all these different tiers of what I do. I also do speaking. So if I'm speaking at a college or convention, there's a whole package and rate attached to that, you know? So. Yeah. So it just depends on what I'm doing. And then if I do television, that's a whole other package.

[00:19:24] Or how do you actually go to college students that want the time with you?

[00:19:29] Yes, but the college kids are usually in a workshop form, so it's less one on one with the group format. Yeah.

[00:19:39] Got it. Got it. Got it in. Yeah. So the last time I talked to you, you were on on a TV set somewhere.

[00:19:46] That's true. Yeah. I have a lot of. I have my hands and a lot of pots and I do have some connection to television. I was doing something at Netflix last weekend so I got to be kind of quiet about it. I go I go brewing. But yeah, I'm in the mix on. I'm making things happen.

[00:20:05] I got to get so. So what's so what's in the future. Any big project. Going.

[00:20:12] Yeah. So I'm I'm actually going to speak at a huge women LGBT focused convention in Vegas in April called the Con and it's here. So there's a lot of actresses like people from like TV shows, you know, and love will be there. And then there's a lot of panel discussions around inclusivity, about women's issues, around consent, which. So I'm presenting a panel on consent. I have some colleagues up there. And then I'm actually doing another panel on podcasting, Tom. Oh, just great. Yes. Because I've had a podcast I didn't mention I've had a podcast for seven years, so it's fine. I think we could actually talk a long time about that. The fact that I started a podcast or podcast or even starting. And so I was I was on the forefront of it seven years ago before there were like seven hundred nine podcast a day. So it was all right. And there are only a few of us. It was like I think in terms of a dating podcast, it was like me, Dan Savage and a couple others, but there weren't that many. So I was really getting access to a lot of things and now it's so competitive. I mean really, it's like this podcast, that podcast networks and producers and managers. And it's like it's a whole other game now. And so I've really in my like business-wise over the last twelve years and the last seven on the podcast, I've really had to pay attention to what's changing and what's happening to to not to remain current and not not be left out of the loop because I'm not paying attention or what's happening.

[00:21:43] So, you know, just take you back where you are entrepreneurial as a as a little kid, entrepreneur, parents or what?

[00:21:51] Yeah. Well, my my parents my dad is he's my dad. Okay, let's be honest. My dad is a super entrepreneur. Always has been. I mean, my whole life, at least he's in he's in the insurance business. But then on the side, he's like, he's a mover and shaker, you super social. Like, I'm super talkative like I am. He's like head of different organizations or different committees for insurance stuff. And what can one insurance is he.

[00:22:16] So he does. I don't know what categories he does everything like he does business. He does personally. It is like auto home, all the thing.

[00:22:26] I used to have a bartender that was selling life insurance on the side. I said, this is easy. The day before you go for your appointment, you just call in a death threat to the people and then you come in the next day.

[00:22:39] It's easy. Sell. No, no. I don't know if their lives are right.

[00:22:44] Got the feeling you might need life insurance, right?

[00:22:48] So yeah, I get that from him. My mom is a retired professor with her doctorate student. So I come from you know, I come from parents that are high achievers. And, you know, I always had a strong work ethic because of them. And I but I always have been someone who's very much like, oh, my gosh, everyone, I'm adventurous. I want to go try new things. I want to I want to succeed. I have that in me as well. What was your first business? My first business? Well, my first job? No, first business.

[00:23:18] Did you like lemonade stand and all that stuff when you were a kid?

[00:23:22] I mean, not really. Not. I don't have a good answer for that to me. I mean, I've had a lot of jobs in my life. So from a young age.

[00:23:31] Like, what was it? You were one of the early ones?

[00:23:34] Well, one of the jobs just comes to mind is I worked at Chuck E. Cheese. And I was I got dressed up in the Chucky costume a few times, which was really fun. Yeah. It was a fun job for like a teenager.

[00:23:48] Well, guess what? You don't I don't think you know all of my background, but I own the entertainment company in Washington, D.C. called Prank Masters, custom designed practical jokes. And we did really Graham's stuff. So I've done more gorilla grammes than anybody, you know, guaranteed him.

[00:24:06] And I. I went to Santas school because I hated my hair. So I didn't want to go home on Christmas to Santa school. And I can't make it home. I got to do. I got to work. Oh, my God. That's a great business.

[00:24:22] I mean, it was a lot of fun, those programs. But I also did an over the hill preacher. So I would come in when. We'll turn 30 and 40 and do a last will and testament forum. So, yeah, we did 4000 jobs. I was on radio and TV all over the world just having a blast. Right, and custom humor and doing stuff, so. So, yeah. So, so, so, so.

[00:24:49] Not I mean it's not as famous as Chucky Cheese. You know.

[00:24:53] Well yeah but you get the you get the business. Yeah. So. So then what.

[00:25:02] So Chucky Cheese to working as like in like a little local cafes. When I was like growing up in small town Ohio. Cut to going to college and working at, you know, the local. Oh, actually, I worked as a wardrobe assistant and the media department at college. I also lived in Europe for a while. In college. Yeah. And that was cool because I was really I knew I wanted to get into entertainment and the entertainment business in some way. And so when I was in I lived in London for a while and I lived in northern France for a while. And in London, I worked in a few different theaters in the West. And just like the candy like refreshments girl. It was the best job, Tom. It was the best. So, you know, imagine me. Imagine, you know, 19 year old Erin in Europe by ourselves, living the life, doing this job that wasn't super, super, super serious. So I could just party it up. Europe. It was the best. It was the best. I was so great. So much fun.

[00:26:05] You could always say I worked in London theater.

[00:26:08] Absolutely. Definitely. Definitely.

[00:26:13] All right. So you came home eventually.

[00:26:15] Ok. So you went the whole time. OK. No, I did not. Yeah, let's do it. So. So, yeah, I did that. Junior college came back. Graduated from University of Dayton in Ohio, which is where I went to school. And really, I always knew I was going to leave Ohio. I just always loved a big city. I just knew there was more. I was again.

[00:26:35] Then you had you to head Columbus to go. That was always a great, great city.

[00:26:41] But I was thinking bigger. Oh, you. All right. So after I came home from Europe back in Ohio, I was like, I really, really am ready to leave Ohio. So it was either going to be New York or L.A.. I chose L.A. because of entertainment. Business. Television, film in particular. And the weather. I was like, that's the place I moved out to L.A., not knowing anybody. You know, the traditional story of I had a little money, but not much money. I drove I packed my car up. One of my friends came with me, drove all my stuff out to L.A., found an apartment and then jumped in to extra work to learn about the television business. Because I knew that I knew something about theater. I knew nothing about TV and learned everything I know. Like I said, I've done some stuff and television learned everything just by being on sets and asking questions and being professional and learning. Right. And it's I mean, I am I guess I am a self-starter. I'm definitely super ambitious. May I go getter? And so I've learned a lot on my own, not not through schooling. I was a business major, by the way. So international business and French major. And so, you know, I mean, I think that you I think that school is really important. College especially is very important. But also, I don't think it's the only way to learn. And so, I mean, if you've got a passion and a drive to learn, you don't necessarily need schooling. I'm so I'm not talking about like being a doctor.

[00:28:01] Of course, you think loans for certain things, but, you know, holidays. You know, I got a whole thing on how they're ripping people off like crazy. And the student that's out of sight and their jobs at Starbucks.

[00:28:14] Well, well, not too. Totally. Well, not to mention, Tom. I mean, OK, so I was a marketing international business mate, major in college and, you know, marketing. I graduated a long time ago, let's say. And I graduated before before social media. Right. So if I have a marketing degree and social media wasn't even in existence yet, I didn't learn any of that in school. So, I mean, I'm here. I'm very, very savvy with social media because I just I've kind of nerd it out on it in my adult years here in L.A. So I've just taught myself, I've learned from other people. I've taken some classes out here, workshops like, you know, you've got like I said, it's really important to the listeners. It's so important to stay current. And there's no there's a lot of people I know who have been in whatever business they've been in for a long time, and they're kind of resistant to change or resistant to like learning the new things in the new digital stuff is too difficult or I don't want to have to do that. And you're just going to shoot yourself in the foot. The world is moving and you're gonna be left behind. You'll jump on board. That's just the truth of it.

[00:29:22] Yeah. You know, a trick I use to hire people is I don't want the fifty five year old MBA that's clueless about all the internet and social media stuff to apply to my company. So I use Craigslist ads and I write paid internship. And so that makes none of the MBAs older people want to apply for an internship either. Too good for it. So I don't have to deal with it.

[00:29:49] You know what's so funny about that, Todd? Well, I actually I was we were talking about UCLA earlier. So I took a few media classes at UCLA, just the summer classes like. I was like in my mid-twenties and I actually ended up through that I was able to be an intern at one of the biggest radio stations here in L.A. kiss up for a little bit because it's just classes. So I was the oldest intern there, but I had f ing care because I was there to learn. Right. Right. Yeah. I have young energy anyway. So I fit in with those kids. Whatever. Perfect.

[00:30:25] Perfect. So. So tell everybody about your book and what's it called? The consent. Something.

[00:30:33] Yes. Yes. My book is called The Consent Guide. It is available on all the digital platforms. It's also available on paperback to it's on Amazon's on Google Books. And I book the website is theconsentguidebook.com. And basically the book, if I break it down, it's basically a practical, easily digestible guide to boundaries and consent. And this metoo era. So you know, when to me to move it happened just really quickly. When to me to move. It happens like the height of it when people are being accused of things, all these things. I think that a lot of us were surprised that a lot of this had been going on to the extent that it had. I think that some of us who work around dating relationship in the dating relationship industry, so to speak, weren't as surprised because we hear stories from our clients, especially some of my therapist friends. I think that the veil was lifted in terms of how we made assumptions that everyone just knows about boundaries and everyone's on the same page in terms of what they learned in sex ed around consent. Like most of us, I mean, I think about my sex ed like he didn't learn much about that. There wasn't even a thing.

[00:31:45] You know, you hear about mine. I'll tell you here. Yes.

[00:31:50] Good. Good.

[00:31:51] Oh, yes. So, I mean, so. So it's one of those things where, you know, like, you know what? 2018 baggage doesn't. 18, 2017. I mean, I think a lot of things were revealed that. Oh, clearly, we need more education around this stuff. And even whatever someone feels about the way all that stuff went down. I mean, I'm on that side of if someone's making an effort to make amends and just be better. I think we should be able to reintegrate those people back in society, back into their careers and all the things. Right.

[00:32:22] But this I could be a great gift for grandparents and parents to give to their you know, I'm in the book.

[00:32:30] Yeah. In the book, there's I mean, it's not just sexual boundaries. It's getting to know your own boundaries, its boundaries with friends and family. It's have had to have an awkward conversation with someone if they've crossed your boundaries. You know, resources, if your boundaries have been crossed, like, what do you do? Like there's a lot of shame attached to. Especially for men, especially for men if their boundaries have been crossed in a way. There's so much shame for guys to come up and say something about always. And so this book is just like a crash course guide for people with all under all under the umbrella of all the things, boundaries and concepts.

[00:33:05] So I'm telling people out there by ten copies and give it to people that, you know, in your life, the young people that need it, because that's really critical, critical thing. So let me tell you let me tell you my whole whole sex education and like I don't know, I can't. Eight seconds. I get away. And my dad is old school came from Syria on a cattle boat. And he's never said a word about it. And one day I remember this vividly. And it was fifty four years ago. And he looks at me and he looks at all nervous. And there wasn't the kind of guy that's nervous ever. Yeah. And he looks at me.

[00:33:44] He says, time. Career. I will talk to you. OK. Dad, what do you want? He said, I'll tell you some. Yeah, Dad. What do you need? He said when you're beep gets hard. Beeping myself here, when you're beating, it's hard. Your brain gets off. That's all I'm saying.

[00:34:01] That was my whole sex education. But it did stick with me all these years. I mean, he's not he wasn't wrong. No, no. All right. So tell people if they want to work with you.

[00:34:18] Where do they go to? To see the packages and to get in touch with them.

[00:34:23] Yeah, yeah, yeah. So go to my Web site. Thedatingadvicegirl.com. You can also find me on Yelp. You know, I mean, those of you in L.A., it's a little easier. Just click search dating, coach. I'm heavily, heavily searchable on Google. Erin Tillman or the Dating Advice Girl. So search me. You'll find me there. I'm the only dating coach with that name and I mean I'll pop up you type dating coach. I'll pop up pretty high up on the list on Google. But also I'm super active like I said on social media. So if you're on Instagram, if you're on Twitter, on Facebook search. Dating advice, girl, you'll find me. Send me a direct message and I'll reply.

[00:35:14] Isn't that great. You almost slipped and said Dirty just a second ago. So if you type in dirty old man, then you'll find me. Okay. So thanks so much for coming on air, Erin. Tell Rayne we said hi. Rayne's our good friend from L.A. and she calls you her. She called you her boss bestie or something like that. Her bestie, boss, babe. Something like that.

[00:35:42] So like that, we just you know that all that means is that we're ladies over hustlin and entrepreneurial and not giving up and try to make it happen.

[00:35:50] There you go. I'm so sorry, baby. Check the show notes if you need some dating advice and you don't have to just work in L.A.. Right.

[00:35:58] You can do this distance with no Skype meeting zoom, meaning a phone meeting, all the things.

[00:36:04] Right. Right. All right. So check it out. All the things all the links will be in the show notes, folks. And we thank Aaryn for coming on and sitting out of traffic, which is nice, and sitting in 70 degree weather and dodging your homeless people pooping on the street. And and she came to talk to us. So thanks a lot.

[00:36:24] Right. Brilliant summary. Thanks for having me, Tom.

[00:36:28] All right, everybody. We'll catch your next episode. see ya later.

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